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Cultivating Gratitude: Why it’s Essential to our Wellbeing.

Oct. 09, 2016

Fall-Foliage-Wallpaper1

In Canada, my adopted home country, this is Thanksgiving weekend.  The trees wear their colourful garlands with short lived intensity – soon it will be winter – and our friends and family share laughter and seasonal harvest around their tables.

In Santa Cruz, California, where I currently live; today is a warm 21 + degrees C (80 + for you Fahrenheit folks); we wade in ocean water that is the warmest it has been all year and eat lunch under a cloudless sky. Clouds are unnecessary as the newest Trump scandal clouds all media air waves and conversation.  It does not feel like Thanksgiving.  In fact, it feels like we have much to worry and complain about.

Two nights ago on the eve of my 39th birthday, I was in a funk.  I replayed my list of worries in my head.  The tape ran like this: “I am not sure if we are in the place I want to call home.  Where is home? Why can’t we figure it out, NOW?  Where will we be next year at this time? ” I pushed away the thought of “there are many wonderful people here; our son’s school is amazing and we have slow-melted into this conscious, ocean side community. I love my yoga classes here etc.” Instead I focused on the negative: “I’m not sure if I am living the life I want to live. I am not sure what my contribution in this world right now is etc. etc.”

I played up the negative self chatter.  I wallowed in it and a part of me knew that I wanted to wallow in it.  I know I was in a funk because it was my birthday and I felt a sort of urgency of needing “time” – time away from scheduling life, from washing dishes and organising laundry and childcare and packing lunches and trying desperately to slot in time for yoga and something inspirational – to take stock, to check in with my path and give my life an honest once-over.  You know, the sort of things you think about on your birthdays as you get older.

I sat alone on the couch. My husband was putting our son to bed.  I felt lonely – as though my inner compass had decided to take a hike without me.  On the verge of tears. I let a few out.  Then they rushed out. Uncontrollable soft sobs, until they stopped. And I felt lighter, as though I had released something.  Not everything, but something.  And I slowed down my breathing and told myself I had a lot to be thankful for. A lot to be happy about. I needed to remember what those things were tonight.

I started a list.

  • I have loving, inspiring family and friends around the globe, many of whom I don’t see as often as I would like, but I know we are in one another’s thoughts.
  • I have a beautiful child with a kind, loving man, to whom we are giving a wonderful education.
  • I live by the ocean in a beautiful place. We may not know where we will be next year, but right now, we are here.
  • I am active. I am strong and I am happiest when moving and doing something physical and have always been that way.
  • I get to teach something I love doing for my vocation.  I teach yoga, I write and I inspire people to live their best, healthiest and most peaceful selves.
  • I am alive. I am breathing. I am fully wholly alive. Now, in this moment.  Not the next, but just this one.
  • We are growing a pumpkin in our little garden!
  • I have some amazing skills and talents and I am always open to learning and trying new things.
  • I have goals that I’ve accomplished and those that I still have to.
  • I put my heart into everything I do.
  • I am not perfect and that is ok.

It was a longer list, but these were my initial jottings.  As I wrote, I noticed how things began to shift in my head and in my body.  My shoulders relaxed, as did my jaw.  The space of release did not recede back into negativity. Instead, another voice began to tell me that I was going to be ok.  That life was beautiful and full of challenge all at the same time.  That I was in the thick of it.  That I needed a lot of patience, a lot of communication and focus to make my dreams happen.  That it may take more time. And it was all possible. That tension and worry set up shop in the very muscles, tissues and nerve endings of our body. That I knew through all my years of training in yoga, how to ease it out. That feeling what I felt, was valid, but I also needed to acknowledge that it was exactly that, a feeling.  And feelings are projections of our sensory mind.  The part of ourself controlled by our senses.  And that there was a part of me still beyond that.  More still.  More prescient and more present.

I slowly made my way toward bed. First to my meditation cushion. I lit a candle and I breathed, watching those thoughts, watching those emotions.  That night. I felt huge gratitude. It was in me and around me. It was a reminder that tuning into what we are thankful for is a daily practice, not a once in a year special occasion.

In his book The Buddha’s Brain, Dr. Rick Hansen talks about how we have an inherent negative bias in our neurophysiology.  This has been our body’s way of protecting us from dangerous experiences since millennia. Don’t eat this plant (you may die if you do), eat that one instead etc..   Our tendency as humans is to collect and stick with negative emotions and experiences, even when most of our experiences are actually positive.

To maintain equilibrium takes constant, minute by minute work. Hansen says that we need to revel in the positive experiences. To remember them fully.  In our lives as goal-oriented, hyper achieving individuals, we are not good at celebrating our wins.  But the more we do this, the more happy neural connections we build in our brains.  This in turn has huge benefits on our overall health and vitality.

Meditation helps and so does yoga.  But in my experience, a daily gratitude journal is key to staying on your path toward happiness.

Here are two simple daily exercises that you can include in your life. I hope that they offer you some benefit and inspiration.

  1. Daily Gratitude Journal
    Keep a journal beside your bed just for this purpose! Write a list of five things you are grateful for that day.  Keep it as simple and short or as long as you would like to.  It could be something that occurred as a result of something you were working on, or just something beautiful about the weather, as in , the sunset was stunning tonight.  Anything that lit you up. Be honest. Don’t create a fake feeling about something. Instead try to look at your day and your thoughts and emotions reacting to situations or people with some objectivity.thankful_journal_thrive_pink_angle
  2. A Rose and a Thorn
    We play this game at our dinner table almost nightly.  Sometimes we need a reminder from our 5 year old who loves it.  We ask one another. “What is a rose from your day today and what is a thorn?” It is a wonderful way to look at both a positive experience and a negative experience from our day with objectivity and realism.  Inevitably what I’ve found, is that the negative incident loses its edge just a bit and I am always left with more of a sense of equilibrium. And equilibrium is an open gateway toward happiness.10560587156_78a0ee5eba_b

     

    I hope that you have a wonderful long weekend.  Thanks for reading and and if you have any thoughts about these suggestions please do leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you.

 

 

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Category: Life, Blog Tags: 2016, blissology, buddhas brain, gratitude, gratitude journal, happiness, inspo, meditation, rick hanson, thanksgiving, wellness, yogalife

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About Insiya Rasiwala-Finn

Yogini + Ayurvedic Coach, Writer and Conscious Mama. Believes in regenerative, slow living, holistic design and living mindfully every day.

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Comments

  1. Alexandra says

    October 10, 2016 at 4:06 am

    Lovely, honest post and beautifully written. I have never heard about the Rose and a Thorn game before, I would love to do that more often with my loved ones. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • yogue says

      October 10, 2016 at 5:09 am

      Thank you Alexandra! Much gratitude your way. Insiya

      Reply
  2. Sarah says

    October 10, 2016 at 5:42 am

    Hi insiya. I admire your openness. Not many people are willing to share their negative experiences but I’m glad you ha e the guts to do this. I think ultimately it creates a sense of connection. We can all relate. And it’s the perfect antidote to loneliness. We think when we are sad, mad, jealous etc that no one can understand. So we feel isolated. But the truth is the oppposite. However it requires being open with at least one person. Thanks for sharing. We haven’t seen each other in many months but now I feel closer 🙂

    On that note I will put my head to rest. It’s been a long day!! Sarah xo

    Reply
    • yogue says

      October 10, 2016 at 5:52 am

      Thanks for reading the post Sarah!I’m craving some scheduled phone time. Lets make it happen. The experience was so real and raw, I wanted to share it. I feel that so many of us look at one another’s lives with rose coloured glasses. Sometimes it helps to break it down to what’s real. My goal with this whole blog is to get real. Life is not perfect. But it is wonderful. I miss you. much love. good night. Time for bed. Yes! xo

      Reply
  3. Laura says

    October 10, 2016 at 9:30 am

    So deep, honest and beautiful !
    Thank you for sharing that moment. I love the rose and thorn game !
    And i will get a gratitude book for sure !!

    Love
    Laura

    Reply
    • yogue says

      October 10, 2016 at 10:30 pm

      Merci Laura

      Reply
  4. Laura says

    October 10, 2016 at 9:30 am

    So deep, honest and beautiful !
    Thank you for sharing that moment. I love the rose and thorn game !
    And i will get a gratitude book for sure !!

    Reply
  5. Steve Major says

    October 10, 2016 at 11:14 am

    Hi Insiya.
    It was a loving honest post that you wrote and I think everyone can connect to what you’ve expressed.
    We all live our lives in some form of struggle, some minor and others quite major(pardon the major pun ). The struggles we can view negatively or positively and for me I view them as the juiciest part of life. The challenges help me to examine my life in a meaningful way and be true to my authentic self and true to my mission to make a difference in people’s lives.
    In Tofino this year with you and the bliss tribe I felt “being peace” for the first time in a real way(Thanks to you/Eoin for that). Equanimity to being positive and negative and enjoying both sides rather than judging that it all has to be positive. Like your rose and thorn suggestion which I plan to use with my family, and thank you for its beautiful phrasing.
    You have a good, loving soul and that is much to be thankful for. ❤️ See you at ytt!

    Reply
    • yogue says

      October 10, 2016 at 10:32 pm

      Thank you Steve! So appreciate the insights and yes I think about that all the time that we may not all have “major” struggles but that minor ones are destabilizing as well and hold us back!!! (Love the pun) so happy to see you soon!

      Reply
  6. Stacy Monowitz says

    October 10, 2016 at 2:44 pm

    I am familiar with this birthday funk, and have come to view the tears as raindrops watering the garden of tomorrow. Thank you for the ideas on cultivating gratitude. I hope you feel the smile and hug I send you each morning as I sip my warm lemon water- just one of many lasting impressions from last years ytt.
    Love,
    Stacy

    Reply
    • yogue says

      October 10, 2016 at 4:41 pm

      Stacy, I love the “raindrops watering the garden of tomorrow.” Thank you for that… and I am so happy to hear that the lemon and warm water is part of your morning ritual. Big hugs back. xoxo

      Reply
  7. Britta says

    October 10, 2016 at 5:12 pm

    Lovely and honest post, Insiya – really enjoyed reading, and it resonated a lot with me. It’s so easy to get caught up in the minor and major worries, this is a great reminder and inspiration how to connect to the beauty and happiness that there is. Sending lots of love your way and a belated happy birthday hug xoxo britta

    Reply
    • yogue says

      October 10, 2016 at 10:33 pm

      Thanks Britta! Much love back to you xo

      Reply
  8. Kelly Smith says

    October 11, 2016 at 4:16 am

    I enjoyed this vignette. Inspiring and sweet…with flow. Thanks know you.

    Reply
    • yogue says

      October 11, 2016 at 4:28 am

      Thanks Kelly!!!

      Reply
  9. Shannon says

    October 29, 2016 at 3:26 am

    Your words resonate deeply with what I’ve been feeling as well. Thank you Insiya for your openness & tips to help shift our focus! ❤️

    Reply

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insiyafinn

Yesterday was so life affirming and heart filling! Yesterday was so life affirming and heart filling!!! 

We got out on a hike in sooke and I’m so proud of my mama for traversing some steep climbs and even more steep and rocky downhill paths. I felt energized and so happy to be outside in a forest that smelled cool and fresh and pine-resin-y… @theblissologist and lion even got into the icy cold glacial streams and then we picked up grandma @carolefinnartist and enjoyed some delicious pizza on the deck @stokedpizzeria near sombrio…

My family kept cautioning me to not push myself - but honestly and truly I think I was just high on feeling alive and being amidst the waterfalls and green of what has turned into a very hot spring (climate change is real friends…)…

Yesterday was such an affirmation of how much we all need to be outside to reconnect within to what really matters…

Thanks ananda lion for making me a mama 12 years ago and thanks to my mom @sararasiwala for your love always… also it made me so happy that eoin got to see his mama too! Life is short. Keep those you love close and fill it with beauty and kindness.

Ps. I did wear a dress hiking (just because) and I am very tired today but was it worth it? YES ❤️

#yogue #mothersday #family #familymatters #healing #healinsiya #healcancer #cancerthriver
Photo sprinkles… Stepping out into spring. L- Photo sprinkles… 

Stepping out into spring.

L-R: A Saturday picnic w @yogalink + Carole + dingo the bali dog and my mom. Thanks for the chai @sararasiwala 😁 and the pic @theblissologist ✨
Blossoms on the hill.
Blossoms inside :)
Homemade spinach and mushroom quiche.. so good 💫
Pakoras by mom… aka delish chickpea fritters 
Daisies :)
And
Apricot nectar and strawberries yesterday… 
/ shadows and sunshine :) 
Heart shaped flowers…

Feeling all this golden light and springtime goodness. :) 

🌺💕☀️

#healingjourney #wholefoods #growth #changes #shift #insiyafinn #healinsiya #healcancer
So I decided to share this picture here because fi So I decided to share this picture here because firstly today was so special. I got to see a dear dear friend who I haven’t seen since before the pandemic and we got to finally connect a few steps away from home. Yes this is currently Victoria (or it was this morning when the sun was bright and warm)…

And yet this morning was hard won. Yesterday after weeks of things going relatively well I had what is called a partical blockage with my ileostomy. I think it was caused by my not chewing my lunch as slowly as I normally do…(I will blame this on both being v hungry and that my dear mom’s cooking is dangerously delicious) 😁 when my girlfriend came to see me yesterday, I had low energy and a strange cramping sensation in the stomach and lower rib area. This progressively got worse and worse until my body with all its wisdom tried to push my lunch out of me. In other words I threw up. Consistently and continuously.

Meanwhile life at home continued on. My son arrived home after a canoeing weekend. I needed back rubs w tiger balm or whatever would help in the moment; and tried to help organize dinner. And my friend later that evening shared how she felt the privilege of being here to help and to witness the rough stuff. Which just felt so dear and real and loving.

And this is why I want to share this story today. It feels scary to put all of this out into the world but I have been thinking that when we hide the hard things behind walls of fear or worry about what others will think, I think we curtail our capacity to be loving, compassionate humans. After all at our core we want the same things. To live and love well. I feel like I share a lot here but I have found it hard to write about the really gnarly moments. There have been so many. What I will say I am so thankful for however is that because I have experienced so much with the ileostomy, I knew I had to ride the waves of pain out until they stopped. And they did and I finally slept last night and stayed out of emerg at the hospital.

And awoke to a new day. And a new opportunity to make the most of this precious moment.

Thanks for being here!

#healcancer #healinsiya #viclife #oakbay #friendship
It’s three weeks post my big surgery. The last f It’s three weeks post my big surgery. The last fortnight has been a wave of highs and lows. It felt like every time I felt a little better something new would happen again that I needed to understand and navigate. 

Meanwhile my inner mind has been a whirling w so so much. I have so many thoughts and so many ideas every day. And having to still be quite still has forced me to pay attention to them. 

The word that keeps coming up is reclamation - reclaiming who I am and how I want to live my life moving forward… life seems a little less like I’m on the edge of a precipice - except in the middle of the night - but things still feel urgent - like I will run out of time before I get to do all the things I would like to. And I have been trying to stay true and listen to the emotions that come up as I continue to navigate the journey beyond - which as yet is a big unknown! 

Today was an easy day to reclaim how much living in harmony with our seasons means to me. How much I love being outside. This afternoon mom and I went for a glorious walk in the sunshine and then lion, our pup and I had some weeding fun in the garden. 

A friend asked me how I am feeling earlier today. I guess the answer today is so happy and grateful to be here and to live in such a beautiful place to call home close to the ocean and sea lions and the meadows and flowers and forests. I am cherishing these little moments. They feel big these days.

Thanks for being here. Xo 

#healing #gratitude #gardening #healinsiya #healcancer #coloncancercanada

📷 @sararasiwala 💖
Today is a reminder for myself and possibly you as Today is a reminder for myself and possibly you as well to not get discouraged… 

Recovery takes time.

there are moments of feeling on top of the world and there are others where I feel flat and tired. 

There is my mind trying to propel me forward beyond the constraints of my body; and my body then signaling with a sharp outcry - you cannot do X, please rest. 

There is life with all its chaos and wants and needs coming at you, because you don’t live in a bubble, the ones you are in relationship with also have needs… 

And so you remind yourself that all you can do is keep showing up now, in this moment, in the best way possible… don’t do more, it’s not necessary- especially right now…

Be gentle today. Happy Sunday.

🙏🏼❤️✨

#journal #healing #recovery #cancer #healcancer #healinsiya #slowlife #yogalife #mentalhealth
Home again. Short - very short and slow - walks do Home again.
Short - very short and slow - walks down our street.
Strawberries at breakfast.
So many Hugs from my son.
Back rubs from my husband
My mom’s continuous kindnesses that keep the day humming.
Friends saying hello and bringing food and tinctures.
And flowers that I cut from our wild garden tonight which is coming alive with all sorts of surprises.

I had tulips in my hospital room the entire 11 days and I can tell you how much they inspired me. As their petals opened up slowly I grew stronger and more able every day after surgery. I saw the colors shining against the dull hues of the room when I awoke each morning and in the sunshine they glistened.

Flowers have healing powers say researchers, apparently patients who can see trees and flowers from their hospital windows vs those who cannot, take less pain medication and have shorter hospital stays… and yes they both relax and uplift us. 

I’ve always loved flowers. Only now I understand why.

Happy weekend!
#grateful #flowers #healingpowerofflowers #healcancer #healinsiya #natureheals #holisticwellness
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